From Sick to Fit

Bonsoir tout le monde.

Prior to writing this post, I was contemplating whether I should dedicate another blog solely on fitness. As written/ mentioned in several of my previous posts, I have been doing insanity for a month now, I have seen result but nothing compared to those in the videos you seen on youtube. This is mainly due to the fact that I did not stick to its nutrition plan. It was hard for me to do so due to all these temptations and fasting month and Eid celebration. I'm not a fitness guru though...

Previously, I have battled with anorexia nervosa, perhaps getting in shape was my way of coping with negative body image. I have come to learn to accept my body how it is and developed a more positive body image. Nonetheless, it is still a learning process for me. I have to say that the way I eat right now is getting better, I have learnt to listen to my body and now I know when I'm full and when I'm hungry. I do eat a lot ever since insanity, and I am not really worried about it as I am not overweight.

Further on fitness, I have noticed that my core strength is slowly diminished, well....it is not as if strength can disappear or suddenly goes invisible, it is just that I felt that I am not as strong as before, when I used to ran for 5k daily. (and also weigh a little less). I wonder what could be the reason, was it the diet? was it the weight? I figured that weight does not really affect it that much as most of the fitness gurus weight a lot more and their body can actually sustain such weight, isn't that why we work on our strength?

Nevertheless, I shall work on my strength further, my previous goal may be to lose weight and be skinny (that was anorexia) but now my focus have shifted to actually perform better in fitness. Let say I am now focusing on being a health enthusiast. Errrrr.....I should really watch what I eat then, not for the sake of how my body looks on the outside, but rather its conditions on the inside. To be honest, recovering from ana, I have consumed pretty much all the carbs, sugar, glutten and what not. I had hella loads of cakes, cookies, peanut butter, all the sugary goodness (???) [I reckon it should be badness] back then. even till now, but as Eid started, I am leaning towards the savoury palate. Which is good I presume???

Hold up! I'm going ADD again on this post, jumping from one topic to another. However, getting in shape for me is more about your fitness performance. I would be lying to say that I have no thoughts on how my body looks, but appearance have become secondary and how fit I am is the main goal now. Currently I do wonder why my core strength weakens when I am doing insanity, just that I don't go for my 5k run any longer. I figured that insanity alone is enough as a workout, the name itself is insanity and if I paired it up with running and such, I'm afraid that I'll get injured.

With reference to my topic up there, from sick to fit. I have to say there's a fine line between sick and fit. I'm not saying I am fit, but I'm working on it. I felt great, confident now to be compared when I was 95lbs, yeah I was skinny, size 0, but all I can think about is food (what can I eat in order not to gain weight), I had no life, even when I was living my dream (studying in the UK) I didn't enjoy it. But now....I'm heavier, looking better, taller by 2cm developed OCD (I like cleaning my room, bathroom, and car) and I am happier, lets just discard the fact that my love life is nonexistent. I am happier. I have no remorse over what I've just eaten, my portion is good, I already know hunger and fullness. I haven't binge and purge. [that's important]

I have more focus in life, I know what I want and working on getting my life on track. Family still thinks that I workout excessively and my uncle saw me earlier today and just mentioned that I don't eat all these stuff (it was a fully loaded carbs and fat meal) but I eat it anyways, just like normal people do. [well people can say whatever they want to, I know that I am the only person to rely on to get better]

All I can say is that, with regards to body image and self love being sick or fit are all in your state of mind. My fitness regime/ workout regime is for fitness sake, as well as I have this 20k obstacle course in less than a week. Working out to be super thin = sick. Shifting that mindset and focusing on how you perform = fit.


XOXO